I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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