The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
