Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
