The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
