It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize