My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I intend to get homeless drunk
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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