was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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