He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
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Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
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Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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