my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
