I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
