Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
