I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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