I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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