It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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