JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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