Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
