His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
