atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
