I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
