i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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