am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You need Xanax blowdarts
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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