Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
