Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
