After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
