you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i believe in u and ur pee
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
