I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
