roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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