The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
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You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
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Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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