Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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