im about as happy as oj after his trial
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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