I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
