Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
