**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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