dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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