Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
