We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
