from now on my penis is your penis
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize