Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
