you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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