Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
