If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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