During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
