this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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