i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
