i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
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What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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