dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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