I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
