listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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