Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize