I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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