God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
