I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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