I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
