Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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