why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
