You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
