only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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