you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
