Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
