So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
