there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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