somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
