dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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