You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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