Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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