new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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