Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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