white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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