someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my sisters under your porch take her home
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
